I am happily single. I am, I am happy about it. That is what I've decided. Because afterall, happiness is a choice, is it not? So, right here and now, I'm going to choose to be happy about it. And logically, I really should be happy about it anyways. Why would I want to be with someone right now? I'm about to enter my senior year of high school. NO, WAIT!!!! I AM in my senior year of high school. It's my last year as a school girl... Lol and I have so much to learn, so many areas to grow in. Also, I need to heal. It's been over 5 months since I broke up with Logan and I know that there are still healing wounds all over my body.
Some of these wounds are from before him, wounds that I never gave the time they needed to heal. So, now, I'm going to heal. I'm going to get over the complex I have towards Justin, then I'm going to realize that no matter how much I truly loved Bryce and no matter how amazing he is, he's not right for me, he's just not. Then, then I'm going to forgive myself for giving myself away to a complete idiot. And finally, I'm going to patch up my need for the attention of men. I have stooped to ugly places to find it, and I'm going to find out why, and then I'm going to get over that aswell.
Because I want myself a prince dang it!!!!!! And if I expect to find one one day, then I need to start acting like the princess that I am. I am a child of the Lord, and I couldn't ask for a deeper and more special kind of a love than that. Why would I want to date a guy again? It's not because of a physical need, nor is it because of a spiritual need. Both bases are covered. Maybe it's the combination of the two things that I want. Yep, that's it. However, I know I need to wait. Hence, why God hasn't brought anyone into my life. I need to heal, and I need to find my roots and my foundation in Christ and buckle down. I need to dive a little deeper into the heart of God. And that's a beautiful place to be... (:
The trick is just to remember that no matter how much my flesh would love to have someone make me feel special and give me the attention that I crave so much, I have grown too dependant on that. This is not good... AT ALL. My God offers me the sweetest and most passionate love that I could ever hope for. His attention and affection is the only reason I'm still standing here. The only reason that I am who I am, the only reason I'm still alive. I have found more passion, more purpose, more life, more power, more peace, more healing, and more love in God than anywhere or anything else in the world. So why is it so hard for me to rest in His spirit. Why can't I just stay there and grow in Him? I can, I know I can. But I choose not to, my flesh is strong. It's been excersized more than my spirit for the Lord I believe... And THAT is why things are going to change in my life. That's why they need to. I have to find myself in Christ. It's not something I want to happen, though I do, it's something that needs to happen.
Signed, I determined and excited
Rach <3
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